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Joke of the Day

"Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me! She said ""no"" both times."

"I'm coming out with a workout video called ""Beached Whale Body"". It's just a video of me sitting on my recliner with my computer on my lap and phone in hand."

"[First day of prison] ""Hey man. Wanna be in our gang?"" Sure, I'll call you. Just give me your cell number *gets stabbed*"

"""Hi, My name is John Foreman and I run a cabinet making business."" John said counter-productively."

" Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket."

"When a guy texts a girl ""hey stranger"", what he really means is ""I've recently thought about trying to get in your pants again."""

"I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery... I've had it up to here with them."

"What is a sorority girl's favorite type of cheese? Feta"

"Let's have phone sex over walkie talkies. ""Bend over."" ""Bend what? Over."""

"If I rule the world first thing I'll do is add a extra day into the weekend right after Saturday.. It will be called Matterday... It won't matter what you do that day"