93644

Joke of the Day

"NSFW Wife: Darling, do I please you in bed? Hubby: Yes I love that trick you do with your mouth. Wife: What trick? Hubby: The one where you shut the fuck up and go to sleep!"

"Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath? Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel wet the soap and flood the bathroom."

"My girlfriend started smoking... My girlfriend started smoking last night, so I slowed down and applied lubricant."

"Just saw a squirrel jump about 15 feet from one tree to another. He is now my new emergency contact."

"I like my women like I like my pizza... ...hot, cheap, and on the go."

"""Sup man? Yeaah, I'm incorporated."" - business casual"

"When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include ""being fucking awesome at everything."""

"I think it's pretty cool Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos."

"Does anyone know if it's worth signing up for this sex offender registry? Will I learn any new moves or techniques?"

"If by fitness you mean I eat healthy & exercise regularly, then yes, I am not fit."