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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include ""being fucking awesome at everything."""

"I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv I thought for a second, ""man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes."

"Feminazis love Game of Thrones........ Cause all men must die"

"""Something's keeping me from masturbating,"" the young woman confided to her doctor. ""I can't quite put my finger on it."""

"TIL of Cunningham's Law It states that the best way to get the right answer on the internet is to ask a question."

"Some good advice on how to pick up girls Bend at the knees and lift slowly. Avoid turning or twisting your body."

"Two atoms were hanging out... ...and one says to the other, ""Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" The first says, ""Yes, I'm positive!"""

"Why do Asian parents never have a white baby? Cause two Wongs don't make a white"

"I forget... What's that Mexican dish called with rice, chicken, beans, guacamole, cheese and salsa?"

"What do nutrition labels and tumblr have in common? They're both full of trans fats"