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Joke of the Day

"I fucked a retarded chick last night. I wanted the first time to be special."

"What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? Shoot him again."

"I had a near death experience and I saw heaven. There were people screaming and there was fire everywhere."

"I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you, homophobic vending machine."

"What's the difference between a horse and a zebra? A lawyer."

"My dad is teaching me to be a hipster He told me to eat my food before its cool."

"There are so many obnoxious people in the world, but do you know who really drives me to drink? Designated Drivers."

"I was going to tell you a time-travel joke... ... but someone reposted it, so you will hear it then."

"A new prisoner meets Elsa in his new cell... A new prisoner meets Elsa in a cell in the prison. He asks her: ""Why are you here?"" And Elsa answers: ""Because they don't let me go."""

"Pros are good and cons are bad, so... What's the opposite of constitution?"