154863

Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef!"

"My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job"

"Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan."

"It's way more acceptable to be fat if you have an SUV."

"What's long, green, slimy and smells like pork? Kermit the frog's finger"

"If you prefer that unshaven look, you might not be a true hipster... These days, everyone loves hairy styles."

"Paddy and Murphy walking down the street, paddy falls over, paddy says 'Murphy, call me an ambulance' Murphy says.. PAAAADDY IS AN AMBULANCE!!"

"[first date] girl: I bet you're really cute under those glasses [removes frames/is instantly obliterated by Cyclops' optic blast]"

"I was going to make a gay joke Butt-fuck it."

"Do you know how long it's been since I've had an erection? About 8 inches."