190299

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... ...so I went out and got drunk."

"Daddy, can I have another cup of water? ""Sure, son. But it's your 12th cup tonight..."" ""I know, the baby's room is still on fire."""

"(car dealer) is the passenger seat also heated? ""Aww for ur wife?"" *imagines putting a fast food bag on warm seat after the drive-thru* yes"

"Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None--He'll only promise ""change."""

"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""

"What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ? Dirty looks from the mouse !"

"Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It's making Head-Lines!"

"{Driving behind semi} *Sees the 'How Am I Driving' sign* *Panics* Hello?! There's a problem. Your driver doesn't understand how he's driving"

"Job interview Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness? Me: I'm brutally honest. Interviewer: I don't think it's a weakness at all. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."

"I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw."