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Joke of the Day
"Which course did Hillary Clinton select when playing Mario Kart? The short circuit"
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"Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.? His vision was based on movements."
"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Israel? Hillary won't suck Bill's dick."
"There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored? The turn signals."
"What's the reason my shower isn't working? You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure."
"Wheres the best place to hide a body? Page 2 of google search results"
"""Jesus loves you."" A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison."
"Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him"
"DO YOU WANT ME TO RAP? I WILL RAP! - how I threaten my kids"
"When a woman has to pick one of three men: a smart one, a cute one or a rich one. She always chooses the asshole."