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Joke of the Day

"If you open your iPhone camera when it's reversed, and your own face scares and shames you, it's considered cardio."

"What does a vagina and the Mafia have in comman? One slip of the tongue and your in deep shit."

"A guy wire is holding a pole... ...the pole is 10 meters tall, the wire makes a 48^o angle from the ground and the very tip is 7 meters from the pole. How long until the feminists arrive?"

"I only make good posts when I'm drunk... Today I celebrate 5 years sober"

"Animals that lose their tails visit the retail store."

"My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin....... I asked how he could tell them apart. He said ""Her brother has a mustache."""

"Mattel is launching a new Twitter Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box"

"Did you hear what the ridiculous fraction ordered for lunch? I don't know either but I heard she tried to halve split-pea soup and pay with a quarter."

"Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs? The rest are hunting peckers."

"Why was Samuel L. Jackson picking up ladies outside of the abortion clinic? Because he's a bad mother fucker."