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Joke of the Day

"On the subject of typos... I and O can be real mitherfuckers."

"The problem with girl scout cookies: no matter how many I eat, I always want Samoa."

"""I love my cable company! Their customer service and pricing can't be beat! I'm glad I have no other options!"" said no one ever."

"My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun."

"I like my presidents like I like my slaves Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with ""I ran"""

"Why did the chicken decide not to cross the road? because it did."

"How do you stop the protests in Charlotte? Sing the nation anthem they will sit down"

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because... Windows 7 8 9."

"Kids don't listen! I've told mine a hundred times to fall off the top of the slide during recess so we can sue the school."

"7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content -WTF -OMG -Huh -FAIL -LOL -NOPE -why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter"