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Joke of the Day

"You're not truly a parent until you've crawled through the McDonalds urine tubes to pull out a crying child."

"I found a message in a bottle. It said: ""The girl at the end of the bar is a lot hotter than she was 2 hours ago."""

"Apple's new iphone sold over 13M units this past weekend I guess you can say it was a 6S"

"I've been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Still not as scary as my ex's number popping up on my phone this morning."

"I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me."

"costumed new york mayor Rumor has it that for Halloween New York Mayor DeBlasio will be walking around on his knees and going as Mayor Bloomberg"

"This popped into my head in class the other day... Why do professors like stats and physics students? Because they'll work for p naughts."

"A wizard and a vampire walk in to a bar The Wizard says, ""Let me buy you a drink old friend,"" The Vampire says, ""One chicken please!"""

"What is your favourite shaggy dog tale?"

"A soldier is at the bar when his buddy walks in. The buddy, surprised to see him, asks... Buddy: Hey how did you escape Iraq? Soldier: Iran."