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Joke of the Day

"I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me."

"Hoping to get ""till death do us part"" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served."

"Do you think Apple's next phone will be a 6S?"

"dddddddddd ddddddddd dddddddddd ddd ddddddd ddddd dddd Sorry my keyboard was broken. I fixed it by giving my keyboard some Prozac because it was d-pressed."

"Might wake up early and go for a jog. Might also win the lottery... odds are about the same."

"What does Polynomial Man say when you beat him? Youve foiled my plans again!"

"What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !"

"What does FIAT stand for? Fix It Again Tony"

"Man marries deaf girl He writes ""we must work out a code: If I want sex I'll stroke ur left breast-U reply by pulling my penis ONCE for YES OR 62 times for NO!"

"My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find ""remember to NOT trust your wife"" written on his forehead with a Sharpie"