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Joke of the Day

"I was about to commit suicide, but then a Nicki Minaj song came on the radio -- so I committed suicide twice."

"I asked a North Korean how his life was going... He said ""can't complain."""

"I hate it when you hold the door open for people And all they can say is, ""Oh fucking hell, I can see you having a shit!"""

"My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me."

"What do you call a pre-maturely born Chinese boy? Sudden Lee"

"I found an old unframed oil painting in my loft yesterday of a beautiful naked lady so i mounted it"

"Apparently this isn't a nude beach. This isn't a beach at all. I'm at Target. Don't do drugs kids."

"I can't Colbert it, they were the Stewartship of my news and entertainment."

"I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere."

"What do men who receive compressed porn files do when they are alone? They unzip."