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Joke of the Day

"My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me."

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"What do you call an angry wind? A cross breeze."
"We shouldn't be donating money to 'Doctors without Borders' We should donate borders instead"
"What do you get when you cross a judge and a potato? A Dicktater."
"[someone reading a beautiful poem in german] ME: i have never been more frightened"
"What do you do when your daughter says batman raped her ? Switch to the spiderman outfit."
"[Me and a friend have movie night, order pizza and do some acid] Me: ""Hell yeah"" Friend: ""Hell yeah"" Pizza: ""Oh hell yeah"""
"Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress......."
"World peace or all of Bill Gates' money? If you had a choice between world peace or Bill Gates' money, what color would your Lamborghini be?"
"Anesthesiologists are so boring. They put me to sleep."
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