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Joke of the Day

"What do people do when a chemist dies? They barium."

"Im tired of the movies, I miss the Transformers cartoon. That's when Optimus was in his prime"

"I approve of free range parenting the meat just tastes better."

"Yo mamas so fat When she wants to take a bath... She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water"

"Why was the lifeguard unable to save the hippie from drowning in the ocean? He was too *far out, man*."

"The doctor told my wife her cervix is still really hard last night. How would the doctor know that without sticking her whole hand......omg"

"[at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first"

"I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? [well ..](/s""The pizza doesn't scream when it's in the oven"")"

"What would you call a restaurant for anorexics? The Empty Plate..."