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Joke of the Day

"There are a lot of good times... But 6:30 is hands down the best time."

"Fuck holes in my cheese. It's just wasted space where more cheese could be."

"FRIEND: Make sure you walk her to her car [hours later after date] HER: It's been 18 miles ME: I insist HER: But you drove both of us"

"I'm not saying it is your fault, I said I'm blaming you."

"What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail ? ""I feel like a kid again"""

"Welcome to earth! You have a choice of private parts. Would you like the one that creates life & bleeds or the constant bad decision maker?"

"Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates? They hate plaque buildup."

"According to my neighbor's rooster, it's 5am now. Also according to my neighbor's rooster, we're having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow."

"Let's talk about sausage.... Isn't it the wurst?"

"If Romeo & Juliet didn't die and were allowed to marry, they'd have kids, get fat, and eventually hate each other. So it was a happy ending"