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Joke of the Day

"How many heretics does it take to change a lightbulb? We're not sure, they've yet to see the light."

"Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy"

"Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?.... ....In case you get a hole in one!"

"What is the difference between a priest and a pedophile? A pedophile does not get tax exemptions for raping young boys."

"Dear 70 year old man with the ponytail: stop it."

"They named it Galaxy Note because when you take this thing out of your pocket, the entire Galaxy can note that it's been taken out."

"I just got fired from my job at the fruit market. I was driving people bananas."

"Supermom! Me: MOM CAN YOU MAKE ME A SANDWICH??? *doesnt hear* *whispers to myself* ""deaf bitch"" Mom: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?"

"Why does Britain like tea so much? Because tea leaves."

"[last supper] ""Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver."" ""30."" ""Sorry Judas?"" [sips wine] ""I didn't say anything."""