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Joke of the Day

"[last supper] ""Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver."" ""30."" ""Sorry Judas?"" [sips wine] ""I didn't say anything."""

"Damn, girl are you a sketch on Saturday Night Live? Cause you're getting old, fast!"

"(from my 8 year old) What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions? Arrows con Pollo"

"If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM... It'll be like toupees in a pod."

"Cop 1: You think Simon will escape? Cop 2: Nah, he's locked up in there good. Simon: Simon Says free me. Cop 1: Dang it, he got us."

"TIFU by downloading different captions Whoops, wrong sub."

"Everyone in horror movies: *loud scream* It was probably just the wind *a ghost flies across room* Just the wind *dog gets cut in half* Wind"

"The worst is that a 27 y/o who wanted to marry Charles Manson & charge ppl to see his corpse had more of a future financial plan than we do."

"[Jews being led out of Egypt] Woman: *mumbles* 40 years? He couldn't just stop & ask directions? Moses: WHO SAID THAT? NO MANNA FOR YOU!"

"Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown? A. Artificial intelligence."