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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy"

"What's the first place Dora explored? The mexican border."

"How do you make a good pun? You use a great PUNchline."

"""Balls!"" cried the queen. ""If I had two I'd be king!"" The king laughed. He had to."

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.... and Michael Jackson liked to molest little boys."

"[my wife and I watch a drunk white girl fall out of a cab] I've never drank that much.... [wife looks at me in disgust] ugh, ok I have."

"My Grandfather told me ""Your generation relies too much on technology."" Me: ""No your generation relies too much on technology."" I then pulled out his life support."

"I failed my driver's test. The instructor asked me ""What do you do at a red light? I said ""I usually see what people are up to on twitter."

"My Life get it, cause my life is a joke! *badum tisss*"

"After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off. ""You're self-employed you stupid bastard,"" I said."