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Joke of the Day

"About four minutes into any run I decide to work on my personality instead."

"How much free space does Europe have ? 1 GB."

"My friend offered me a nice stable job. I declined because I don't like horses"

"two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life."

"Dad can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please? Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"

"I do NOT trust my bowels... I just think they're full of shit _"

"Today my grandpa told me I couldn't even bait a hook. Well he's never been more wrong. I consider myself a master baiter."

"I'm the flower, you're the bee. Why don't you suck the sweet pollen right out of me?"

"I went out for dinner last night. The Captain's Basket was on special for $7.00. I tried it just for the halibut."

"I'm waiting for Twitter to be adapted into a big budget sci-fi action movie: ""In space no one can hear you tweet."""