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Joke of the Day

"I'm waiting for Twitter to be adapted into a big budget sci-fi action movie: ""In space no one can hear you tweet."""

"ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Noel."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They'll just arrest the light for being broke and beat the room for being black."

"Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary. Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done."

"I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one."

"Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"The CEO of Nutella has died. A memorial dinner will be served straight from the jar, over the sink at midnight."

"What's a blind mans favorite car? A cataract"

"I like microwaves that spin the food around because I'm all, oh yeah, hot pocket, looking good, girl, from the front AND the back uh huh."

"How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold? One U.S. Liter"