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Joke of the Day

"Today my grandpa told me I couldn't even bait a hook. Well he's never been more wrong. I consider myself a master baiter."

"I dress like a murderer when I walk through the sketchy park outside my dorm so murderers will be like ""Oh she's cool she's one of us."""

"I make out with a squirrel at a party one time, and now everyone is scared of me? That's just ridiculous, he was dead for at least 2 hours."

"Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, ""That's her. She's the one"" And not follow it with ""who ate cake out of the garbage"""

"What doesn't kill you was only practicing."

"Dog walking is by far the easiest job I've done.. It was a walk in the park"

"What did the grape say after the elephant stepped on him? Nothing, he just let out a little whine."

"Browser History: Man vs. Woman Woman's Browser History: Pintrest Pintrest Pintrest Makeup Tutorial Makeup Tutorial Makeup Tutorial Makeup Tutorial Shoes Shoes Shoes Man's Browser History: -"

"A guitarist was sent to jail for fingering a minor"

"How did the redneck find the goat in the tall grass? Satisfying."