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Joke of the Day

"Date: any pets? Me: a pet rock D: lol at least u don't have to housetrain it Me: *flashback to piles of pebbles all over my house* haha yeah"

"I asked Dumbledore what 3 + 5 was. It didn't know the answer because it was a dumb old door."

"What is robin going to get for Christmas? An oviposition set"

"I just got invited to a Game of Thrones themed wedding I think those bastards are going try to kill everyone"

"Einstein came up with a theory about space... and it was about time too!"

"Looking for rich sugardaddy to support me so I can support my boyfriend so he can tweet more. *thoughtful romantic tweet*"

"The longest relationship I've had is with my first vibrator. We were together 7 years. Off and on."

"I went to the doctor with a hearing problem He said ""Can you describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"What do you call a laptop in the ocean? A Dell, rolling in the deep."

"Household chores How do you turn a dishwasher into a lawnmower? Send the bitch outside."