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Joke of the Day
"Household chores How do you turn a dishwasher into a lawnmower? Send the bitch outside."
Next Joke
"Doctor: ""Why is my waiting room empty?"" Judge: ""I hauled everyone off to court"" Doctor: ""You're trying my patients"""
"WIFE: would you chop these onions for me ME: sure WIFE: I meant with a knife ME (tightening the belt on my karate robe): aww man"
"What do you call someone who tortures you to death with boring wordplay and double entendres? PUNisher"
"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who gets shit and pissed on all the time? John"
"My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all."
"My friend Oscar told a joke to Leo Di Caprio. He didn't get it."
"You know why half a joke isn't funny?"
"Joined Match.com... And all I got was a lit cigarette"
"If I say I love you, don't read too much into it. I just told this cheesecake that I love it, too."