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Joke of the Day

"Any party is an ugly sweater party if you're ugly and you sweat a lot"

"My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there's lunch brought in by reps"

"The Amish are starting to promote the use of condoms.... To help stop the spread of Abes."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest it for being broke and they beat the room for being black."

"Why do they call him shitman? His name is steven hitman"

"What's ten inches long and white? Not a damn thing! I thought it was time we had some racist jokes towards someone who isn't black for once ;D"

"DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY"

"In response to the Country Singer lightbulb joke, how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 13. 1 to do it, and 12 to say they could do it better."

"Yay! The Democrats won the World Series!"

"My iPhone auto-corrected ""wish you were here"" to ""wish you were beer"" and I sent it anyways."