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Joke of the Day

"I'm thinking about selling my Theremin. I haven't touched it in years."

"I hate people who steal the punchline. I'm keeping mine a secret."

"I became a proud father today He just turned four, but he was a boring little shit the first few years."

"I just make stuff up as I go. I call it Jazz Parenting."

"I refuse to see movies that critics deem ""fun for the whole family,"" because a lot of our grandparents are pretty racist."

"Did you hear about the tourist who visited France? He went to Paris and saw an Eiffel"

"What does Tupac Shakur and Oceans 13 have in common?... They were both shot in Vegas!"

"The Apple Watch may become so addictive it keeps people from looking at what's truly important in life, like their iPhones."

"Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep."

"That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror."