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Joke of the Day

"A mayfly walks into a bar. The bartender asks: ""Why don't you fly?"" The mayfly responds: ""Because it's not May, you fucking idiot"""

"In the event of a zombie apocalypse, who's the first to lose his job? a necromancer"

"We need to run the government like a business. Specifically a Quizno's with a bat infestation, staffed by emotionally unbalanced retirees."

"If you believe everything you hear about trump Urine in for a long four years...."

"A german walks into a bar and orders one martini. The bartender asks: ""Dry?"" The German replies ""No, one you dumbass!"""

"We should hang out and stare at our phones."

"""Tell me about yourself"" Well, I'm a Canadian- ""Oh yeah? Tell me a joke funnyman"""

"Heya /r/jokes! do you want to know how to keep a loser in suspense? I might tell you tomorrow."

"What do you call Israelis that overly spray tan? Orange Jews!"

"If someone starts talking to you, easily get out of the conversation by nodding while climbing the nearest tree."