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Joke of the Day

"We need to run the government like a business. Specifically a Quizno's with a bat infestation, staffed by emotionally unbalanced retirees."

"How do you know the bartender didn't appreciate your drunken pass at her She's stirring your bloody mary with a string."

"My father always had affectionate nicknames for my older sister and me She was *oops*, and I was *oh shit*"

"Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"Being bummed that you finished your sandwich only to remember that you haven't even taken a bite of it yet must be what Heaven is."

"Why do rednecks like the doggie position? That way they can both watch wrestling."

"Remember Kids! Friendly fire, isn't."

"Why did the gay vigilante get arrested? He tried to take down a budgie smuggler."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To knock knock on the door, walk into the bar and change the lightbulb."

"Karma's only a bitch if you are."