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Joke of the Day

"""Well, congrats. You're a homeowner now. Any questions?"" ""Yeah. Sam put those glasses on eBay, why didn't the Decepticons just bid on em?"""

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""

"This father says to his son, ""Stop playing with yourself you'll go blind."" The son says, ""I'm over here, dad."""

"When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute."

"How does a ghost eat a hotdog? By goblin it. Sorry"

"If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men."

"Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures."

"What do you call an African disease that only affects the math geniuses? Parabola! ^i'll ^shut ^up^now."

"What did Bruce Banner get after having sex with as prostitute? a HULK RASH!!!!"

"I would imagine there really isn't any market for sea shells down by the sea shore considering the abundance of free sea shells."