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Joke of the Day

"*Dino-Jesus preaching to the dinosaurs* ""Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."" *Asteroid crushes Earth* ""Dammit Dad."""

"I'd like to live in Abu Dhabi. There's nothing like the bright lights, ritzy real estate, and an occasional public beheading."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in weeks... I didn't want to interrupt her."

"CLICKBAIT TITLE (*bad pun goes here*) (*necessary edit acknowledging upvotes and more bad puns in comments*) (*necessary second edit for the anon's gold*)"

"WHO'S ANGRY ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN WASHINGTON? AND WHY? I'M REALLY UNINFORMED."

"Cell phone, I don't know why you keep capitalizing TEQUILA but I like the way you party."

"My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Wonderwall I said maybeeee..."

"What do you call a hippo in Antarctica?! LOST!! (I'll show myself out now)"

"What would you call a 90 year old hooker? Ho-spice"

"Why is Xbox 360's successor called Xbox One and not Xbox 720? Cos 720 is 1"