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Joke of the Day
"What did the two vaginas say to the butthole? ""Don't hate us if you anus."""
Next Joke
"[undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?"
"[leaving store without bag] Cashier: Forgetting something? ""Oh wow, how embarrassing"" *walks back to give her a hug and kiss on the lips*"
"""Snitches get stitches,"" I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets."
"Hurricane Sandy I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, ""What is that?"" I replied, ""A watered down Manhattan."""
"My girlfriend told me to get something to make her look sexy for her birthday. So I bought myself a 12 pack."
"Don't call it a comeback.. .. It's mostly in your hair."
"A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks ""Why the long face?"" He answers, ""because I'm an alcoholic and I'm destroying my family."""
"I had sex with an escort once but it went horribly wrong. I burned my dick in the exhaust pipe."
"[gets pulled over for speeding] Where's the fire ma'am? *grips lighter* ""I'm not sure yet"""