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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks ""Why the long face?"" He answers, ""because I'm an alcoholic and I'm destroying my family."""

"What do you say to a woman with one black eye? Nothing, you've already told her."

"Why were the camels wearing sandals? To stop themselves sinking into the sand. Why did the ostrich stick its head in the sand? To look at the camels who forgot to put their sandals on."

"How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just wait for it to burn out and follow it around the country for 20 years."

"How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl? ""Way to go dude, you're kiln it!"""

"I don't mean to brag, but I'm extremely talented with my lips and tongue. *Whistles The Andy Griffith Show theme song flawlessly*"

"Historians say teenagers in medieval times would send an average of 180 tiny scrolls by raven per day"

"Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide."

"ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough."

"I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle... But I can't afford all the shirts."