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Joke of the Day

"""Snitches get stitches,"" I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets."

"Our conscience is clear- we don't use it."

"So two chocolate rabbits were talking to each other... ... One of them had a bite out of his butt and the other with a bite on his ears. So one rabbit says, ""My butt hurts"" and the other says ""What?"""

"My Grandfather never had a good reason to go fishing. He did it just for the halibut."

"The stoners surround me very, very slowly. Three of them are eating cereal. ""Look guys,"" I explain. ""When I said I had a pot belly..."""

"Your mom's got eight vaginas and a Ph.D. We call her Dr. Octopus."

"I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane."

"Guy cut me off & I shouted, ""you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND."" Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive."

"What are Pirate clothes made of? Yarrrrrn."

"Why don't blind people like to go skydiving? Because it scares the shit out of the dog."