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Joke of the Day

"When I ask someone out and they say no I get uncomfortable and just start clapping and saying ""Good answer"" like people on Family Feud."

"I'm not into bestiality but... I do like hot dogs"

"If I'm carrying a torch for you it's only because I want to set you on fire."

"That new movie, Daja Vu... Haven't I seen it before?"

"Why do crippled kids get picked on so much? Because they can't stand up for themselves."

"I asked my friend how he can date a fat chick... He says she's grown on him"

"A condom isn't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

"My business card is just a moist slice of cantaloupe."

"Talk to your kids about drugs. Talk to your stepdads about jazz. Like, just generally be polite and ask people about their interests."

"Kill the crackers...kill them all Old Man Ritz"