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Joke of the Day

"When I was younger, I was given a choice: a good memory or a long dong. I can't remember which I chose."

"Does killing time damage eternity?"

"I'd like to thank /r/jokes for teaching me so many jokes! I've always hated the sound of laughter..."

"Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now."

"I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a shit driver""."

"They say milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth? Minding your own damn business."

"I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up."

"How do you starve a black guy? Hide his food stamps under his work boots."

"*consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now."

"The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends...."