90129

Joke of the Day

"Tim Cook just came out. Waiting for the Android version."

"You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation... Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though."

"I went to see the worst faith healer ever last night. He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out."

"I can't stand the kids of this generation. It's always meme, meme, meme."

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change cuz I don't want to get up and find the remote."

"Mother Teresa walks into a bar"

"The hardest part of eating a vegetable... Is the wheelchair."

"What's the deference between and porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has its pricks on the outside"

"[dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!"

"just met a guy who's using an empty beef jerky bag as a wallet so don't worry you're probably doing just fine"