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Joke of the Day

"The abusive relationship that I'm in is such a joke I spend everyday waiting for the punchline."

"The people on the internet are so friendly.... One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool."

"You know that photo of yourself you really fucking hate, it'll look great to you in ten years time so don't delete that shit."

"Spurs is the best football team ever."

"I was bitten by a Hasidic Jew. The doctor in the E/R gave me Rabbi shots."

"I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body."

"I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping."

"I blink one eye at a time because flying squirrels can attack at any moment."

"My wife got my daughter a bowl with Dora on it It's adorable"

"Three guys walk into a bar: an alcoholic, a priest, and a child molester... And that's just the first guy."