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Joke of the Day

"Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked."

"What do you call an Asexual who tries to be hetero? an Ace in the Hole."

"There are other people smarter than me and better looking and more talented and richer but what I have that they don't is bitter jealousy."

"Question for Waitresses who have served a Mohel... ...Did they leave a tip?"

"A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: ""Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live."" The man said: ""Can you do something for me?"" ""Yes,"" he said. ""I'll boil you an egg."""

"I spent all of last night trying to remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500 and couldn't.... ...I'm so LIVID right now."

"Blind People: at your next barbecue hold an ear of corn up and yell ""WHO WROTE THIS SHIT?"" (non-blind people: please read this to blinds)"

"My cowboy friends phone froze on gindr the other day He kept asking ""Why can't I quit you"""

"Never trust a fart... You never know what kind of shit your asshole is up to."

"Why aren't there any French Restaurants in Davy Jones' Locker? Dead men sell no snails!"