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Joke of the Day

"My gf said she is going to leave me because of my obsession with the monkeys... I didn't believe her at first, But then i saw her face and now im a believer."

Next Joke
 
"Girl On Fire by Alicia Keyes would be a great theme song for a Vagisil commercial!"
"What's the difference between a magician's wand and a nightstick? One is used for cunning stunts, the other is used for stunning cunts."
"My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though."
"Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips."
"After Usain Bolt retires, he'll move to Iran."
"[getting out of prison after 10 years] GUARD: *handing me a paper bag* here are ur things ME: did none of u monsters feed my tamagotchi"
"Women don't say sorry, when a guy is right they say.... ""Whatever!"""
"TIFU by telling a terrorist joke to my Muslim girlfriend. She blew up in my face."
"I dreamt last night that I got Reddit gold. Instead I got downvoted to oblivion."