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Joke of the Day

"I dreamt last night that I got Reddit gold. Instead I got downvoted to oblivion."

"I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.... I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight. They've been sizing each other up for hours."

"What do you call a missing psychic midget? A small medium at large."

"So I was Complaining about 1st world problems the other day When I realized that my complaining is a first world problem"

"Even if God himself appeared & said ""Dude, I am real and you need to go to church today,"" I would still be like ""Yeah it's been a long week"""

"What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? -Hang onto your leaves this will be no ordinary breeze"

"(NSFW) what do driving in the fog and eating pussy have in common? One slip of concentration and you're in the shit"

"Rick Astley is such a nice guy. He'll let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh! ... I'll show my way out"

"Sharks don't sleep so I'm pretending I'm a shark except one that sings along with Lady Gaga. I'm Lady Sharkshark! Anyway, totally drunk."