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Joke of the Day

"Things that don't kill bees 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming"

"Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a table, and a chair, and a bed..."

"Ways Ryan Gosling and I are similar: 1. Up to date on our vaccinations 2. I dunno, that's probably it and I'm not sure about that first one."

"Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero."

"A little girl asks her grandad... ""Would you make a frog noise for me?"" The grandad, confused asks, ""why?"" The little girl replies, ""dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland""."

"I had an idea for a British ST:TNG spinoff It's called queue."

"What do you say to encourage someone who is masturbating? You do you!"

"I hope Donald Trump becomes president. That way we can impeach him and all of USA can tell him ""you're fired""."