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Joke of the Day

"I ate so much at Thanksgiving, I had to loosen my Fitbit. (Credit to my future mother-in-law for this suprise zinger)"

"im a proud member of an elitist clique which spawned from the entenmann's bakery product support forums back in the early '00s"

"Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers? She heard he was a cowpuncher!"

"I went to London over the weekend and wore tracksuit bottoms in the hope of fitting in. How wrong I was. If I really wanted to fit in, I should have wore a turban."

"What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks!"

"A: ""What is the integral of 1/cabin?"" B: ""Log cabin!"" A: ""Nope, Houseboat. You forgot the C."""

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? I can't make a vitamin..."

"As an American, the moment I stop feeling full is the perfect time for a light snack. Or maybe a whole cheesecake or dozen donuts. Whatever."

"Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything."

"What does a feminist and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."