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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: How did you get all those bruises? Me: Rough sex Doctor: That looks unhealthy and should stop Me: Talk to your nurse about that"

"Dear women, you're all fucking crazy. Signed, every dude."

"TSA agents might have to arrest me if... They felt deez guns *flex*"

"I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year."

"Why is Ashley Maddison the best hook up site on the Internet? Because everyone got fucked."

"When I'm driving I listen to the country station because it makes me want to get to my destination faster."

"I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe."

"What did one gay sperm say to the other? ""How am I supposed to find an egg in all this shit?"""

"What does a sassy ghost say? Boo you whore"

"Why should you use six hooks on your fishing line? eFISHancy!"