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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: How did you get all those bruises? Me: Rough sex Doctor: That looks unhealthy and should stop Me: Talk to your nurse about that"

"Yo mama is so fat...that when she wore a blue and green sweatereveryone thought she was Planet Earth"

"So I walked into an apple phone store... And I farted, the people working there got mad at me and I said,""it's not my fault you don't have any windows"""

"32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing."

"Bill Gates is donating $10Billion to help children everywhere get vaccinations. ...But you know they're just gonna spend it on booze."

"Just Checked my voicemail. I forgot to buy milk 3 years ago."

"My gf won't get the remote that's in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she'd be shopping already."

"What do you call a Russian Lizard? Commie commie commie commie chameleon."

"Whats the best thing about being a meth addict? Only two more sleeps until christmas."

"the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals."