150255

Joke of the Day

"32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing."

"What do you call a prostitute that does both men and women? An omniwhore"

"Me to waitress: ""Do you have frog legs?"" Her response: ""Yes.."" Me: ""Then hop on back to the kitchen and get me a steak"""

"El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato."

"What's the difference between yogurt and white people? If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture."

"Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked."

"Where did the fish go when it needed an operation? To the sturgeon"

"Me: I found a job! Mom: That's great! What is it? Me: debt collection! Mom:.... Me..... Mom:... Me: I think you know why I'm calling."

"U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good"

"My therapist says I'm narcissistic. How can someone who's perfect be narcissistic?"