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Joke of the Day

"Why are successful people such assholes? They get shit done."

"I was going to tell a dead baby joke... But some people don't get prop humour."

"I was told I look like a nazi soldier... And I said, ""no, this is a Wehrmacht uniform""."

"Waiter what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been but what is it now?"

"I was in my space ship with my pregnant wife, travelling about .95c, when she suddenly went into labor. Turns out time wasn't the only thing that was dilated."

"Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail? Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies."

"What's the difference between a feminist studies major and a bench? A bench can support a family."

"I've never seen 'Downton Abbey', but I did see the episode of 'Roseanne' when Becky ""cut the cheese"" at least 50 times."

"Q. What's the rudest type of Elf? A. The GofuckyoursElf."

"They say cow manure come from males. But that's bullshit."