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Joke of the Day

"My friend and I got featured on a listicle. We both think that most listicles are awful attempts to just get ad revenue but hey, at least we're on the same page."

"Executioner : Due to the power-cut we'll be using the acoustic chair."

"How can you tell that your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today."

"I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree... I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van."

"Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because D-shells are too big and B-shells are too small."

"In calculus class we just finished revolutions of solids It made my head spin."

"What is time consuming? Eating a watch. . . . . Note: This is not my joke, credit goes to /u/Cokenut, and /u/Fluffy8x for setting him up."

"What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie."

"Was forced to have a threesome with a clown and a grizzly. Just had to grin and bear it."