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Joke of the Day

"Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms."

"Grabs intercom: ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY MILITIA, STAY HERE! WE ARE GOING TO OCCUPY THIS OLIVE GARDEN UNTIL I GET MORE BREADSTICKS"

"Trans-Jenner? Has that joke been made yet?"

"Being a sexist doesn't bother me at all. The only people that will call me a sexist are women and their opinion doesn't matter."

"Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble? Because it was a wrapped scallion."

"I don't WANT new people to get murdered but I want Investigation Discovery to always have new material."

"Why do Trans people hate the former Soviet Republics? [Fucking CIS scum.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commonwealth_of_Independent_States)"

"Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photo-booth!"

"Now if they could just make PokemonStop.. I could sit and actually enjoy this game! In playin pokemon Yellow right now ; p"

"The Eddie Izzard Diabetic Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-CAKRDTH"