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Joke of the Day

"scientists agree that following me on twitter is a clear sign you were classified as Above Average as kid and used it as an excuse to coast"

"If Russia tried to take Turkey from behind... ... do you think Greece would help ?"

"How many introverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?!"

"I'll dress up like your Dad and hug you at the finish line of a 5K if you promise to never post any Facebook pics of you running ever again."

"They're calling the internet a drug now. Don't worry, though. It's not as bad as Cocaine or Heroin. They're calling it a 503 bad gateway drug."

"If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question."

"Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No but he screamed when I bit his finger."

"There's a man living near me who has 5 Penises. Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove."

"Why did Mary fall off the swing?... ... Because she had no arms. Knock, knock! (Who's there?) Well, it ain't Mary."

"Why did Fred Durst sleep with Princess Leia? He did it all for the Wookie, yeah!"