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Joke of the Day

"Making millions of dollars is like breeding rabbits. It's much easier when you start with two."

"I'm thinking about opening one of those ""pray away the gay"" clinics just so I can name it ""God Save the Queen."""

"Today I really missed my Ex I think I need a better scope."

"I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of my exes then I realised it said Thick Cut"

"A woman screams as she gives birth... ""What's wrong, honey?"" her husband asks. ""What's wrong?!?"" the woman shouts, ""THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"" ""Sorry babe. *What is* wrong?"""

"What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a condom? Don't worry baby, I'm sterile."

"I got a great deal on a boat the other day..... Sail"

"[opens treasure chest & it's full of treasure] Me: whoa Friend: what is it? Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders"

"What's your best pedophile pick up line?"

"Was just told to take my labor day decorations down. I guess a giant inflatable woman giving birth in your front yard is tacky or something."