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Joke of the Day

"Putting on mascara without opening my mouth is on my bucket list"

"Such a hassle that you have to rob a skier before you can rob a 7-Eleven"

"TIL that 'gullible' has been removed from the latest edition of the Oxford English dictionary... Seriously. I swear."

"Where do poor meatballs live? In the spaghetto."

"How do you pick up my ex girlfriend? With a broom and a dustpan."

"Stop supporting Russian companies! I hear they all use Slav labor!"

"Planters will be distributing exclusively to airlines. That's just plane nuts."

"Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot! Priest: This is communion... M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr- P: Leave."

"As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street... Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes"

"Do I have a girlfriend!? Are you kidding me? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER THOSE THINGS USE!?"