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Joke of the Day
"How do you pick up my ex girlfriend? With a broom and a dustpan."
Next Joke
"Treat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit."
"My therapist asked me to list my good qualities:nnNice to everyone's facenUsually wear deodorantnThin cheese slicernnThat took four hours."
"What is Brazil's favorite game right now? Hide and go zika"
"ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting."
"Why'd Sally fall off the swings? Cause she's got no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally."
"I'm 49 and my girlfriend is 5 months pregnant! What do you guys think we should do?"
"""I love accounting!"" -Italian guy who loves to count."
"I'm just a boy, standing in front of a printer wondering if he forgot to press something."
"My Dad always calls me goldfish... I forget why"